Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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