I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
