She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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