apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
