I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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