he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
