we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize