And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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