dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.