you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES