Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

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  (401): The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance http://tfl.nu/1kat
  Replies (22) Good night (3811) Bad night (887)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow

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  (801): that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow http://tfl.nu/5dzd
  Replies (11) Good night (1028) Bad night (4131)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll

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  (608): just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll http://tfl.nu/nron
  Replies (10) Good night (1372) Bad night (3178)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.

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  (703): I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve. http://tfl.nu/i1km
  Replies (3) Good night (1572) Bad night (2343)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?

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  (814): so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass? http://tfl.nu/0xyl
  Replies (6) Good night (1344) Bad night (2225)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion

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  (856): Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion http://tfl.nu/nnpe
  Replies (7) Good night (3599) Bad night (854)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.

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  (540): I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time. http://tfl.nu/t7e6
  Replies (11) Good night (765) Bad night (1204)
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  (760): View more from California

  Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.

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  (760): Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t. http://tfl.nu/80lo
  Replies (5) Good night (993) Bad night (613)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.

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  (720): I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help. http://tfl.nu/0nf6
  Replies (5) Good night (520) Bad night (1167)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.

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  (613): Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in. http://tfl.nu/gv1u
  Replies (3) Good night (1088) Bad night (463)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell

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  (917): We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/8o1d
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (481)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.

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  (804): Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win. http://tfl.nu/vse3
  Replies (1) Good night (756) Bad night (300)
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  (714): View more from California

  I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.

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  (714): I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/e3fy
  Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (360)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"

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  (517): He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science" http://tfl.nu/nwfg
  Replies (0) Good night (735) Bad night (379)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod

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  (360): You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod http://tfl.nu/fakl
  Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (350)

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