i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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