he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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