fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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