We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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