wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
