a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
