No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
either way he was missing a nipple.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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