addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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