I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
