He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
