so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
