I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
