How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
