I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
