Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
