If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
