I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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