Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
