She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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