I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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