Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
