I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
