Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I forget how to act sober
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
