I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
