i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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