I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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