omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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