I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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