atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
