New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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