tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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