i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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