it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
