so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm really busy with my period
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