You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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