I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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