I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
