she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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