jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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