That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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