Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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