I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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