he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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