i think my mom watched the whole time
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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