This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
