Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
