This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
