smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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