And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
