I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize