I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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