So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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