i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
