i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
