wakey wakey hands off snakey
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
