God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
