i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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