i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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