I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
