I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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